Series 2: I'm good, I promise

This episode I discuss my experience with getting into yoga and conversations that have allowed me to see things differently. I discuss individualism, dreams, giving back, and finding peace in yourself. 

Book mentioned: The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali by Sri Swami Satchidananda

Transcript

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Hey y'all, this is your girl Brianna, and this is the Divine Intervention Podcast, where I try my best to make space and learn how to take up that space. And today I'm doing the part two of the I'm Good I Promise series. I don't know how long I'll make this series, probably as long as I meditate on it and new thoughts come to my mind to speak on. But I was thinking today about this idea of trying to be good. Um and I found myself thinking about how as people we are a I guess a walking manifestation of not only our experiences, but also who we wish to be. And I think that with both of those things, especially with the second one, it's it's kind of when you reach a sense of consciousness of realizing that you are the writer of your story, like you have the pen to draw, create, write your reality. And I've been in the middle of like a yoga introductor training, it's been very like amazing, if I'm gonna be honest. Mainly because I'm in the studio a lot more often now. It's really grounding, and also just a lot of the texts that I'm reading, and a lot of the texts made me think about how a lot of what I'm saying on this podcast, like your definitions and this and that, in the book, it's kind of the the framework of the way that they discuss reaching enlightenment is very different, and they discuss it through the lens of rather than saying like your descriptions or like your other people's perceptions of you or system's perceptions of who you are and how they project onto you. Um, they more so use language like your impressions or like the seeds of your previous encounters, and that's kind of how they discuss this idea of like really connecting with the self, um, and not the self as a honestly, it's been a great experience because I love when I find words that connect with what I'm trying to say because I think a lot of time I have all these ideas, and I I know what I'm saying, but I think that when I'm explaining it to other people, it can get lost in translation because it goes back to like which page of the book are you on, what definitions are we working with, like do you really feel what I'm saying? And they talked a lot about just deep like unattaching, detaching from a lot of these ideals and things that you've kind of strongly attached yourself to to really be able to reach your true self and who that is. And I finished book one. I'm probably gonna do an episode where I go through like my favorite sutras because it was some of them were good. One of them was like, um, and I think this goes back to this idea of I'm a good person, I promise. One of them said, What is the human to think that it has the right to be selfish when every other living thing on this earth gives back to the earth? And I was listening to it, I want to say, when was it was before work, and I almost yelped. Like I was just like, Wow, like that's such a powerful way to say that because I think a lot of times I try to explain that to people. I'm like, we literally live where every other animal, every other living thing, every plant, every grain of soil, every piece of grass, every bird, every bee, every butterfly, everything. Like we literally live in a system where it all is created to pour back into itself. But as a society, we've reached this place of individualism. And me, I, my stuff, versus our stuff, versus community, and another thing that I was reading is in so many words, it said, if you want to know the key to unlocking your peace, it is to become I don't want to say selfless in a sense, but it was almost like if you want to figure out how to create peace within yourself, go out and do for others. And I think that honestly, it was so beautiful. But I also think a lot of what I've been reading um made me remember when I was talking to an older woman in my life. She's so wise, y'all. Like I talk to her whenever I need uh whenever I need it, whenever I need grounded advice because I know she's gonna be very like grounded in okay, Brisa, what can you control? Remove the pieces. What what are you able to control? That's the thing that your mind should be on. Why are you focusing on things that ultimately are gonna be what they're gonna be, and that's just that. Um, and I was like, wow, okay, you know, very wise. And I was having a conversation with her about dreams because ever since I was a little girl, I have these very vivid dreams, so much so that when I write like short stories, um, I actually share my poetry way more than I even share my stories. Like my stories, I keep those like tucked away to myself. Um, I'm trying to get in the habit of like actually sharing them. Um giving myself some grace. I'm still I'm still working through that piece. But I was talking to her about my dreams, and I was like, yeah, whenever I have a dream about snakes, something I was like, I always fall out with somebody, or something happens, or like or it was it was the context around something of like people cross me, and she stopped me there, like immediately. She was like, Brie, snakes aren't solely connected to, and this is probably gonna sound so obvious for people that have other context. She said, Bree, snakes are not only connected to people stabbing you in the back. She was like, snakes um and other cultures can be connected to like duality, and like I honestly, honestly, I can look it up right now so we can have a working definition for this conversation because immediately when she said it, it restructured the way that I have perceived every dream because the definition that I was giving changed. The outlook that I had was centered on honestly. I can go to my notes, y'all. I have a whole after she told me that. I really went through like a very like I'm not gonna say a rabbit hole, but I went through a process of really um deep diving into snakes and their meaning and mythology, their meaning spiritually, because the working definition that I was working with regarding the snake, um, especially growing up in a very Christian household, is that snakes are bad. Snakes are devious, they come in to I almost like to say with the devil, steal, kill, destroy, like that. That was my whole running narrative. Until I really looked into other cultures, and they talked about how snakes can symbolize the duality of good and evil. Snakes can symbolize major life changes, um, transformation, healing. Um, they can represent shedding old habits, something that you you fear or that you perceive to be threatening because of your perception, like it it really went into how some cultures view it as a sign of like wisdom and healing, and it ultimately shifted the way that I perceived every dream I had had, and it shifted it because I quickly noticed that maybe that dream wasn't trying to tell you this, maybe it was trying to tell you that this is a space for healing, maybe it was trying to tell you that some changes are finna happen in your life. Maybe it was trying to tell you something about yourself, and even if it was a situation where something went bad, or I can't stand using words like bad simply because of the connotations, when things went sour, or when things went away that you would have preferred for it not to go, it showed me how many situations I was projecting my perception of certain things on because I was walking in it with this idea of oh, this is bad, or this is negative, and I wasn't looking at it as well. Maybe that dream was just a sign that you're finna enter a phase of transformation, you're gonna enter a phase of healing. Like maybe this dream is teaching you that I think it goes back to this idea of nuance. I was because further in that conversation, she talked a lot about yin and yang and the balance of it, and it's honestly a conversation that I still think about day to day and like from time to time because it made me realize how many situations or how many things in my life, or how many experiences that I was sticking good on, bad on. Um, I was I was placing all these connotations on them, even when they are situations or they are experiences that I needed to go through in order to learn the lesson that I needed to learn to become the person that I am. And after that conversation, I I really took time to sit on that because I was like, Brie, how many situations have you marked off as bad or you labeled as a negative experience when honestly that experience probably gave you the most beautiful thing you've gotten out of most of them, and it really even shifted my perspective to like look in the I think this goes back to I'm a good person, I promise, and even a lot of the yoga things that I'm learning now because it forced me to look at I guess the yin and yang, the the the duality of good and evil within myself, and realize that because I spent so much time actively working towards I don't want to say an unreachable goal, but ultimately in yoga, the way that they talked about doing good is just you know, just serve, you know, just service, just help people. It's it's that simple. Um, but I think for me it was leaking into areas of my life where I was just trying to always pick the right answer, and in life, the right or the correct answer is whatever answer you chose that taught you the lesson you needed to know to grow into the person you're gonna be for your next journey, and also something it said in the yoga book is it said, um, and I'll probably drop it in the um comment or the description section just in case anybody wants to check it out. It is a dope book, guys. I've only finished book one, it's like a whole bunch of other pages to go. But something else that they said is go through life, and you know, you're gonna make mistakes, but just make sure you learn the lesson of your mistakes, and it's something that sounds so obvious, but I think for me it made me realize how much of life that I was trying to go through avoiding mistakes, not realizing that you are always gonna make them. Whether you are like actively trying to do the wrong thing or not, you're always you're always going to like slip up. You're human. That's literally a part of like the whole experience. If you were, I guess I like to say to myself now, like, if you was perfect, you would be Jesus and you're not, you're Brianna. So, like, give yourself the space to just exist and just be, and I think that even the conversation about snakes that kind of forced me. I went through like a long, well, I'm not gonna say a long, but I like to also when I write short stories, I love to tie in mythology, and so I was like, wow, like let me go figure out how other people's connotations of this thing because I was working with one definition, but I was working with the definition that I inherited. It was it was it was the definition that was the most accessible to me, given my experiences, where I grew up, who I was around. I hadn't really come in contact with someone before or entered a conversation before that shifted my idea or shifted my my perception or like the way that I viewed this particular thing, and I left the conversation with a lot to think about. And I also think it's interesting how even in yoga training or in the book, and I'm gonna drop it. I don't wanna say the title because I do not like messing up names, y'all. You know, names to me are given out of respect. I don't like messing people's stuff up. Um but I really notice how even in the yoga book, it never on this journey of becoming more in tune with yourself, it never mentions becoming like a good person, it mentions becoming your true self, and I think that it also for me just leaves a lot of um food for thought, especially because literally yesterday I was sitting on my couch. I got off work, um, and well no, I can start Thursday. Thursday I got off work, I laid on my couch, and I was knocked out, y'all. That was a great nap. I woke up, I wasn't even mad at myself when I looked at the time and it said like midnight. It it either said midnight, if I think it said 1 a.m. Cause after that I listened, I listened to the audiobook, and I also had like the physical book in front of me so I could like make markings in it or whatever. Um with the yoga um book that I was instructed to read. I sat in front of that book for probably like an hour and like some change just listening. Um, but before I even listened to the book, I was sitting on my couch and I randomly opened my horoscope because I was like, oh, let me just check this, whatever, whatever. And the horoscope, what it read back to me in so many words, is it said you're not alone, and then the text under it, I can't remember it verbatim, but it spoke about how you know that random text that you got of somebody just telling you good morning, that random seat that someone saved for you, umone wanting to visit you, and it really just went, it was like a very brief list, and at the end of it, it said you've been too busy to see yourself and the space that you hold in people's lives. I cried on my couch for a cool couple of minutes. I bawled, I I cried really hard, and it was honestly such an enlightening moment because I realized that, like, like the horoscope said, and honestly, timing to me is such a crazy thing. I don't know what's been going on with like honestly, these past few weeks have felt beautiful because I felt really in alignment, like I feel like I am where I'm supposed to be, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Like, even when I'm frustrated, I can't deny that I feel on track, and I cried because for the first time I felt like I looked in the mirror and I really saw myself, and I saw myself completely. I didn't see an experience that I had been through, I didn't see the I honestly don't even want to call it baggage because like I just said earlier, everything has a purpose. I didn't label myself with all of these connotations of experiences or all of these I saw me, and I saw me candidly, like in my face, and I I felt like it was such a powerful moment for me because a lot of my poetry, especially in college, talked a lot about how I was kind of searching for myself, like I couldn't I couldn't see myself. I remember one time in class they asked us to write six word memoirs, and they got to me and they were like, What's yours? And I said, Left to find myself, still lost. I'm not gonna count to make sure that six words, I'm gonna trust myself. It's in that realm. It was either left home to find myself still lost or left to find myself still lost. And so in that moment, I don't know what specifically came over me, but I got extremely emotional. I cried really hard. And afterwards, I just needed a moment of like just pure silence. And it's probably because I was sitting on my couch in silence. Like it was just dead silent. And for the first time, I looked in the mirror and I felt like I saw me. Like I was just like, wow. And that took me back to a time when I feel like I'm going down rabbit holes at this point. I was in therapy, and one of my therapists actually asked me, She was like, When you look at yourself, what do you see? I just stared at her. And she she asked me, she said, What do you see? And she was like, When you how she was like, How would you describe yourself? And I couldn't get any words out. I was kind of just choked up because I was like, I don't, I don't really know. I was like, I'm just here. Um, and anybody that knows me, especially throughout college, that's a phrase I would say a lot. I would be like, I'm just here. Cause that's how I felt. Like, I felt like I'm just here. I can't really give you any context. I I'm just here. Um, and so for me, sitting on my couch, I honestly can't even say in the middle of the night, because at that point it was morning. And I was just crying because for the first time I had words to describe myself that I felt like were mine. And they weren't anyone else's, or like what I've heard other people say, they were mine. And so I've kind of said all I have to say. I don't really, I feel like normally after I finish talking, I try to figure out a wrap-up. Um, not really in the mood to perform today, and so if you made it this far, thank you so much for listening. I hope that something in the long line of stories that I told, I really hope that it resonates. I really hope that you step into being yourself, um, step into life and experiences, learning the lessons that you need to learn to become who you truly are. Thanks for tuning in into the Divine Intervention podcast, and I will see you in the next one.